


This Feels Right And I'm Letting It

by bythelightofthenight



Series: A Little Vision Of The Start And The End [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Confrontations, Fluff, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Sex, the college edition, undying love and all that, unpleasant parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 13:02:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2270748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bythelightofthenight/pseuds/bythelightofthenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"So I told her the story as it was really quickly so that maybe she wouldn't pay attention to the nakedness and so on, and she completely lost it."</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Jeff falls onto his back and smiles, holding the phone between his shoulder and ear while pulling on his socks. "We'll just have to accept the fact that our moments are sometimes too colorful to share without editing. But I'm glad she took it well - not that there were any other expected outcomes."</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Going to college on different sides of the country isn't easy, but after so many years of practice if someone can make it work it's them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Feels Right And I'm Letting It

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo we've jumped quite a bit ahead even from the first part but no worries. If you've only read the first part and are now thinking of getting into this you might want to check out the second part too so that you get the hang of the background story as well. 
> 
> Warning for this one could be the more or less confrontational situations between some characters, but since the thing isn't angst I think it's not too bad. 
> 
> I don't know what it is but I'm so stuck in this universe it's my happy place. Tho now I'm sad that it's come to an end at least for now.

Nick’s fingers drum against the steering wheel, completely ignoring the rhythm of the song coming from the radio. He checks his phone again but only the smile of his background image flashes on the screen. Jeff is wearing Maggie’s tiny shorts in the picture and the girl is laughing at him in the background. It was taken when they had been helping Maggie to pack for college and Jeff had found the glittery pink shorts somewhere from her drawers.

His thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the car window. Jeff grins at him through the glass before Nick is scrambling out of his seat.

"Hey! I thought you’d meet me at - oomph", Jeff’s words are cut off by another body coming in contact with his.

Nick grabs the back of his jacket as they hug, tugging him more closely against himself and sighing contently as he presses his face to the crook of his neck. “I wanted to see you before anyone else.”

"I missed you too", Jeff murmurs into his hair. "Couldn’t sleep at all during the flight. Too excited to see you again."

Nick pulls away to press their foreheads together. “It’s only been what? Three months? Don’t tell me you’re already struggling.”

"Shut up. Of course I’m struggling; I’m used to seeing you once a week. Especially you not having a webcam for the first month and a half was pain. I miss you all the time."

"Sure you’re not just saying that to get into my pants?"

Jeff grins only a breath away from his lips. “I don’t think that would’ve been a problem anyway. You’re the one always stripping me down before I even fully get inside the house.”

"Not seeing your body once a week does have its consequences", Nick chuckles before closing the distance between them.

Jeff makes a low noise in his throat and backs him against the side of the car. “I’m going to suck your dick so hard you black out.”

"You’re ridiculous", Nick pulls at his lower lip with his teeth. "But I absolutely think you should do that."

"We need to get into a private space like four minutes ago", Jeff’s hand snakes under his shirt, his thigh pressing against Nick’s crotch.

"You always do this right before I have to drive. Since the beginning you’ve been out for my life."

The blond rolls his eyes and gets off of him. “I admit nothing and you have no evidence.”

"Except my dick", Nick snorts as they get into the car.

"Yeah well, your dick and I have an agreement so that won’t be a problem", Jeff leans back in his seat and grins at him. "It’s good to be home."

"I love you", Nick says, reaching out for his hand. His skin is cool against Nick’s heated palm.

"I love you", Jeff presses his lips to the back of his hand. "Now let’s get out of here so you can fuck my brains out."

"Of course that’s all you’re thinking about", Nick rolls his eyes. "You sure you don’t want to top? I’ve been thinking about your dick for a better half of the week. Wouldn’t mind getting on that."

Jeff arches his brows. “Since when have you been so hungry for cock, my love? Have I kept you waiting that long?”

"Yes, your manhood is all I can think about."

"I knew it", Jeff giggles. "You’re so hot for me."

"Shut up."

*

"Hey Jeff? Do you want Coke or Sprite?" Nick peeks his head around the corner.

"Bring me what you’re having. Unless it’s Sprite Zero. That shit is just gross", Jeff answers without looking away from the tv screen.

"You’re such a diva", Nick says fondly before disappearing back into the kitchen.

"Excuse me! I’m pretty sure it was I who just gave you the ride of your life - quite literally speaking. So just drink your soda and get hydrated so we can fuck again."

Nick falls on the couch next to him, pressing a kiss on his bare shoulder before handing over the glass. “Milady.”

"You’re hilarious", Jeff says dryly, his eyes still attached to the screen.

"Only for you", he grins.

Jeff watches quietly for a moment, mouth still slightly open, before starting again. “How long have we been together?”

"Since we were 16, almost 17, I’m quite sure. Are you saying you don’t remember?" Nick pokes his side.

"I was just thinking - and don’t say that’s a worrying sign. We’re 22 now. We’ve been together through high school and all of college this far, both in separate schools. Like how good are we at this long distance thing, huh? We might as well be married."

Nick reaches over to turn off the tv before turning to his boyfriend again. “Are you fucking proposing to me on my parents’ couch when we’re watching the telly naked? Have you lost your mind?”

"I’ve always been crazy about you", Jeff smirks but gets serious right after. "I know it’s a big deal and not even possible in our home state yet, but you’re in school in NYC. It could happen one day, right? So I’m more asking, like, as a pre-engagement thing. Would you want to marry me one day?"

"You’re a madman", Nick shakes his head softly. "I would marry you anytime, anywhere. Of course I would."

Jeff leans over to peck his lips. “I love you so much.”

"I love you", Nick holds onto the back of his neck and rests their foreheads together. "Could you imagine us married, though? Do you think we could even live together? We’re so used to only seeing each other less and less frequently."

"Of course I can", Jeff nudges his nose with his own. "You could make me breakfast every day and I would pay you back in sexual favors. I think we’d be the best roomies ever. Unless you think you’d get tired of me."

"I think we’d both get tired of each other just as much. We’re not used to being around each other that much."

"I think we’d make it work", Jeff kisses his cheek before leaning away to put down his glass. "And we’d be too busy fucking anyway. You wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off me. Just imagine seeing me naked every single morning. You’d never get to work on time", he pulls Nick into his lap and wraps his arms around his waist. "You ready to go again?"

Nick reaches behind himself and bites his lip. “I need some more lube and I’m good to go.”

"Excellent", Jeff grins, grabbing the tube from between the pillows where he’d thrown it before. He hands it over to Nick. "Want to do the honors?"

"You’re always getting me to do stuff for you", Nick snorts but pours the gel on his fingers. He pushes two fingers in, his breathing turning ragged and his mouth falling open. "One more and it’s good."

"Shit, you look hot", Jeff grabs his dick, jerking himself off to full hardness. "Whenever you’re ready."

"Alright", Nick rises up on his knees and lowers himself down onto his cock, inch by inch. "Fuck that’s good. Fuck, fuck don’t move yet. Don’t move."

"I’m not moving", Jeff chuckles but it turns into a whine when Nick bottoms out. "Stop squeezing so hard, you prick! I’m going to come before you can even say orgasm."

"Oh I’m sorry. I thought the idea was to come", Nick pants. "So get on with it already!"

Jeff grabs his thighs and helps him lift himself up before sinking down again. Nick grasps on his shoulders, whining when he’s fully seated.

"Okay, okay, okay just fuck me", he grunts and presses his face into the blond’s neck.

Jeff starts snapping his hips up sharply, holding him up and close. He kisses Nick’s temple while the boy pants against his skin.

*

"My mom will be quite disappointed, though", Jeff sighs happily when they’re lying in bed later that night.

"And why’s that?" Nick presses his lips to the boy’s bare shoulder.

Jeff smiles softly, reaching out to run a hand through his hair. “She was always so sure I’d end up with a girl. No matter how much she learned to not dislike you. There was always supposed to be a girl in the end.”

"You haven’t been with a girl in over five years. Still?" Nick grabs his hand.

"Yeah, she never got over it. The fear of not getting grandchildren must be too great. Like my sister doesn’t exist or anything", he squeezes back when Nick’s fingers tighten around his.

Nick stays quiet for a moment, a small pout on his lips. “Are we not going to have kids then?”

"Not biologically as far as I know", Jeff shrugs. "Other ways are open."

His answer makes Nick smile. “Good to know.”

"Won’t your mom be disappointed too?"

"With what?" Nick rolls on his side and leans on his elbow.

"That you agreed to marry a white boy", Jeff grins.

"She adores you too much to care", Nick rolls his eyes. "Even though you might be the whitest boy she’s ever met."

They stare at each other for a moment before bursting into giggles. Jeff wraps an arm around him and pulls him against his body.

"Let’s just agree we’re both disappointing out parents, alright?" he drops a kiss on Nick’s forehead.

"Okay", Nick agrees, catching his lips in a proper kiss. "But just so you know. I’ll never be bothered by your mom as long as you still feel good about us. Never."

Jeff kisses him deeply. “You’re the best person I’ve ever met.”

"Yeah, fortunately for you. Who else would agree to marry you."

"I know right", Jeff huffs a laugh against his cheek. "Go to sleep, dumbass."

The shorter boy wriggles closer to him, one arm thrown over him. “I’ll probably tell my mom tomorrow.”

"I know", Jeff smiles with his eyes already closed. Nick’s fingers tighten their hold on the front of his shirt before he drifts off to sleep.

*

"So I told her the story as it was really quickly so that maybe she wouldn’t pay attention to the nakedness and so on, and she completely lost it."

Jeff falls onto his back and smiles, holding the phone between his shoulder and ear while pulling on his socks. “We’ll just have to accept the fact that our moments are sometimes too colorful to share without editing. But I’m glad she took it well - not that there were any other expected outcomes.”

"She started talking about colors and if we should invite some relatives I’ve never heard of from back home. It was crazy! And we’re not even engaged yet. Maybe I should’ve held back a little longer."

"We both know that would’ve never worked. You talk to your mom way too often for it to be able to stay a secret. Also you’re bad at lying", he chuckles.

"I know. Are you in a hurry?"

"I’m about to go for a run so no", Jeff glances at his alarm clock. "It’s only seven thirty anyway."

"I already miss you. How stupid is it that even when we’re at home we have a two-hour distance. And our house is so cold too. I need your body heat for sleeping."

"I’ll be there by noon tomorrow. Hold me a seat, yeah?"

"I’ll see what I can do."

*

It’s a little past eleven when Jeff pulls over in front of Nick’s house. He woke up early and couldn’t go back to sleep so he decided to just get up and get going. The messages in his phone tell that Nick hasn’t slept well so he assumes the boy is still sleeping now.

The street is still quiet and the only sound is the snow under his shoes. He unlocks the door as silently as he can, knowing Nick’s mother is not there anymore to let him in. There’s no movement in the kitchen or living room so he makes his way up the stairs to Nick’s room. The boy is asleep on his side with his front towards the wall. Jeff takes in his socked feet that peek out from under the covers and the extra blanket thrown over him before stripping off most of his clothes. He coaxes Nick to sleepily give him room and lies down next to him.

"I’m still", he’s cut off by a yawn, "sleeping."

"I’m aware", Jeff huffs, nuzzling the back of his head. "I let myself in."

"Into my bed?"

"There too", he wraps his arm around Nick and pulls him closer.

The boy sniffles, tangling their fingers together, and they lie in silence for a moment. “We should just always sleep together”, Nick mumbles.

"That’s what I keep saying", Jeff chuckles.

"You sound weird. Do you have a cold?"

"I think you have a cold, darling. Your ears are probably blocked", Jeff strokes his chest gently. "Are you feverish?"

"Just sleepy", Nick rolls around to face him. "You look sexy."

"And you look sick."

Nick pouts. “You’re supposed to love me however I am.”

"I do love you. I just said you look sick. Which I’ve never found too attractive in a person. You look tired and adorable. But sex is out of the question. Just for your own safety."

"You flatter yourself", Nick snorts. "Sex is good, though. You know, some steam and hotness. It’s good for you when you have cold, right?"

Jeff puts his hand over the boy’s mouth. “Don’t even try it. You know how I’m like when I get sick. You don’t want that, do you?”

"Maybe I do", Nick sneaks a hand under his shirt and grins.

"Just go to sleep, babe", Jeff whispers. "You need the rest. When you wake up we’ll talk."

"Okay", Nick sniffles, letting his eyes slip close.

*

 

"It’s like I’ve stopped existing completely! I just don’t understand", Jeff keeps his voice as steady as he can. Nick just stares at him from across the room. "You don’t return my calls. When I message you you’re always busy. I’m scared, Nick! Do you want to end this?"

Nick shakes his head slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. “That’s not what I said.”

"Yeah, because you haven’t said anything. We don’t live close to each other, Nick. This is all we have. Is it not good enough for you anymore?"

"No, you don’t get it -"

"Of course I don’t! I can’t read your mind. You have to tell me if something is wrong and you haven’t done that."

"Can’t I keep anything private?" Nick huffs quietly.

"Don’t you fucking dare! Do not go down that road with me. We’ve known each other too long for that. We know each other and I love you so much. If you love me too, you have to be honest with me. I can’t keep going like this, man", Jeff sighs heavily, staring the boy down even though his eyes are glued to the floor. "You’re hurting me, Nick. It hurts to think that you don’t trust me, that you don’t want to share things with me anymore. It hurts because I can’t come up with an explanation. I don’t know why you’re being like this.

What we have is special and you know it. We’ve always been honest with each other. We’ve always respected each other, been equals in this relationship. And all this with a constant distance between us. So tell me. Please.”

Nick looks pained but doesn’t move or look up. “I didn’t want to hurt you, Jeff. You have to know that. I’d never hurt you on purpose. But there are things that are just too much. I need time and -“

"You could’ve just told me you need time. Shutting me out doesn’t send the same message! But I need you to be completely honest with me right now. Tell me if the time you need is time alone. Tell me right now if you need space from me."

"I don’t know. I’m confused and I don’t know what I want -", Nick finally meets his eyes and cuts himself off.

"Did you sleep with someone?" Jeff asks sharply.

"What? No!" Nick frowns, running a hand through his hair. "I can’t believe you asked me that."

"Don’t turn this on me, Nick. You can’t blame me for asking. It’s the last thing I can come up with. I’m desperately trying to get an answer out of you but you’re giving me nothing", Jeff drops back onto a chair and rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Just tell me if you want to break up."

Nick takes a step closer and two back. He fists his hands in his hair, puffing out a breath. “I saw my dad, okay”, he snaps.

"What?"

"I saw my dad. A few weeks ago I saw my dad. He was in New York. Near my school, he was near my school. My dad. Who left us almost ten years ago."

"Did you talk to him?" Jeff frowns.

"No, I didn’t talk to him", Nick says exasperatedly like it’s obvious. "I hate him… I should hate him. He hurt my mom and he hurt me. He abandoned his family. He never accepted me and he was ready to walk away from his family because I like men. I owe nothing to that asshole."

Jeff gets up, crossing his arms over his chest. “No you don’t. But he’s your dad. It’s okay if you can’t hate him.”

"But I should", Nick wipes his eyes roughly.

"Why didn’t you tell me, Nick? What did you think I would do? Judge you for feeling upset?"

"I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking straight. And then when I started thinking I got worried", Nick bites his lip for a moment. "It’s not going to get easier, Jeff. It will never be easy. I know saying you can pass as straight is rude but you could marry a girl and make your parents proud. There’s no way my dad would accept me no matter who I marry. Because it would be a guy.

Seeing my dad just made me think about all that and I don’t want to be the dick who says you deserve better because that’s even worse of a cliché. But it’s just really fucking hard, okay? I don’t want my dad to hate me. I know that I deserve better.”

"Nick", the blond whispers. He walks up to Nick and wraps his arms around him. The boy holds onto him tightly.

"You know what I used to think when I was younger?" Nick mutters against his neck. "When I was fifteen I thought I should get into an accident so that my dad would come see me in the hospital. I was almost ready to get hit by a car. Just to see him again. That’s disgusting just as it is. But once I was actually standing next to a highway. And I can’t even say surely that he would’ve come. I deserve better."

"I know", Jeff pets his hair.

"I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. You don’t deserve this either. I promise I won’t do it again. Just don’t hate me."

"I could never hate you. Until you say otherwise, I’ll be right here."

Nick whimpers and tears slide under Jeff’s collar. He just continues to hold the boy in his arms, squeezing tighter when his shoulders start to shake.

"And I don’t care if it’s harder. You’re the one I chose to be with. I could have more privileges with a girl but I’d still be bi. And I want to be with you. That’s just how it goes. And we just have to deal with it. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes", Nick mumbles. "I’m really sorry. I love you so much. You have to know that. I’ll never be like this again. I’ll be better. I promise."

"I don’t need you to be _better_. I need you to feel like you can be honest with me. Even if you would want to break up. Even if you needed to tell me something I don’t want to hear."

Nick pulls away to meet his gaze. “I wouldn’t cheat on you. We’ve spent months apart and it’s never been a problem. Please can we not talk about this again?”

"I’ll make you talk. Until there’s nothing else to talk about", Jeff cups his face. "This is important. It’s the kind of thing that either makes us or breaks us. If we learn how to talk about this, nothing can break us. We can do this."

"Can we?"

Jeff kisses him hard on the mouth, knocking the breath out of him. When he releases his grip, Nick slumps against him.

"Yeah we can", the shorter boy sighs.

"I’ve always told you we’re a dream team."

"No you haven’t."

"I did now. Shut up. I love you."

*

Once Jeff’s lecture is over and he opens his phone again, he’s met with seventeen messages and three voicemails.

"Jeff, call me as soon as you can", the first one says.

"Jeff, please answer your fucking phone", the second pleads.

"Jeff, for the love of god call me already. I’m freaking out. I need you to call me right now", the third one has him scrambling for the call button.

"Finally! How long are your lectures?" Nick grumbles the second the call connects.

"What’s wrong? And they’re probably shorter than yours -"

"I saw him again", Nick cuts him off, "I saw my dad again. And now he saw me too. Then I ran. I ran away so quickly I almost got whiplash. He saw me, Jeff. He saw me and I saw his mouth open and he must’ve recognized me. It was horrible!"

"Where did all this happen? At school?"

"I don’t know! I guess I’d just left campus. I can’t remember I was too shocked."

"Do you want to get out? You can come here if you want."

"I think I need to drop out. Maybe flee the country."

"Or you could come sleep in my dorm for a few days…"

"I think I’d like that", Nick sighs. "But I have school. I’m just so scared to even leave the campus. What will I do if I end up in the same place as him and can’t get out? I can’t talk to him. I can’t face him. I can’t be in the same room as him. Just seeing him twice has been a horrible experience. Jeff, I’m freaking out!"

"I know! I’m sorry. I don’t know what to tell you. There are only a few options. Confronting the problem or running away. That’s all I’ve got."

"You’re doing very badly with your consoling."

"I’m aware. But that’s honestly all I’ve got. Unless you want me to come there?"

"But you have school too."

"Online lectures, coursework, that’s most of my next two weeks. I could be there by tomorrow."

"Could you really?"

"Absolutely."

*

"I’m so happy you’re here", Nick sighs into his neck.

He holds on tighter, the railway station fading into the background. “I would do anything for you.”

"I just wish you didn’t have to."

"I know", Jeff pulls away and takes his hand. "But I’d do it anyway."

Nick laughs as they start walking towards the front doors. “I also have good news: my roommate is in Spain for at least eight more days…”

"How’s the soundproofing?"

"Not particularly good."

"Good. I don’t actually care", Jeff winks before holding the door open for him.

"Good. My neighbors need a bit of a crackdown. Also I’m pretty sure they think that you don’t exist. And that I just webcam with some stranger almost every night."

"Oh so they think you’re a slut?" Jeff hums approvingly. "Interesting. I don’t know if I’m proud or slightly jealous."

"Some guy actually asked me for the name of the site last year", Nick shakes his head. "I tried to explain that I’m skyping with my boyfriend but he just said ‘just say if you don’t want to share’. I was like okay then."

"So is it me who sounds like a porn star? Do you wear headphones when we skype?"

"Sometimes. Usually. But still they shouldn’t be listening in the first place."

"It’s college. You should hear the rumors in my school. Much less classy I must say. But much more efficient", Jeff grins.

Nick punches his arm. “Keep it in your pants.”

"I’m just excited! I can’t believe I haven’t been to your school before."

"It’s probably a lot less interesting than at your school", Nick shrugs.

"But I’ll get to meet your friends and have sex loudly in your dorm like normal couples. I think what truly is the college experience is the disturbance of others. Aren’t you glad they might finally believe that you have a boyfriend?"

The brunet rolls his eyes. “Of course I am. I miss Mags, though. Surprisingly many of my so-so friends are straight.”

"How do you live?"

"You keep me young, my love", Nick rests his head on his shoulder when they wait to cross a road.

"Good to know I’m useful for something", Jeff ruffles his hair. "Other than pleasing you."

"Hilarious."

"Oh that too! I tend to all of your needs, don’t I?"

*

“So who are these people again?” Jeff tugs on the collar of his shirt.

Nick grabs his hand and interlaces their fingers. “They are nice people who will like you.”

“Why did I need to dress up this nicely?” Jeff frowns down at his clothes. “Are your friends snobs? Are you secretly a snob?”

“Jeff, babe, you went to a private school. You literally wore a blazer every day – except on _casual_ days. Since when have you been scared of snobby people?”

“Yeah but this is a different kind of blazer”, Jeff pouts.

“You’re a child”, Nick bumps their shoulders together.

"And my ass hurts", Jeff huffs. "You didn’t have to back me into that desk corner. They’re going to look at me suspiciously and think we’ve been up to some funny business."

"That’s literally why I _accidentally_ made you hit that corner."

"Suspiciously", Jeff hisses as they enter the bar.

Nick just throws him a look before they reach his friends. “Hey guys!”

"Nick! Finally! We thought you’d never show up", a brunette girl with wild curls and a bright smile jumps up to hug him. "And this must be the infamous Jeffrey! We’ve heard many bad things about you."

Jeff shakes her hand and grins. “Just how I like it.”

"Kristen suspected that you would be too busy shagging to make it", a boy holds out his hand and Jeff shakes it too. "I’m Jay."

"I did not!" Kristen yelps.

"She did", comes from behind them. A girl wobbles towards them with a tray on her hands. "I can’t believe I used to be a waitress! I have no balance whatsoever", she sets the tray down with some help from Nick who also gives her a kiss on the cheek.

"Jeff, this is Mikaela", Nick says as they all sit down.

"Nice to meet you", he reaches over the table to shake hands with her as well.

"You too", Mikaela grins, taking a sip from her drink. "Unfortunately I didn’t get you anything because Kristen hadn’t made exact calculations on how long your sex rampage would last."

"Stop throwing me under the bus just because you’re bitter that you’re in charge of drinks for half a month", Kristen huffs.

"You lost a bet again?" Nick laughs.

"It’s not my fault it takes me longer to get ready! It takes time and precision to tuck in a dick", Mikaela shrugs. "So anyway, you’d better go to the bar now before the rush comes in."

"I’ll go", Nick gets up, resting a hand on Jeff’s shoulder. "You want your usual?"

"Yeah, sure", he nods and Nick squeezes his shoulder quickly before walking towards the bar.

"So you’re the lucky bastard who snatched Nick’s heart", Kristen leans closer on the other side of the table as soon as Nick is out of hearing range.

"Calm your tits, Kristen. Let the boy breathe", Mikaela rolls her eyes. "She totally had a crush on him when they first met."

"Can’t blame you", Jeff chuckles while Kristen tries to aim a punch on her arm. "But yes, I do take all credit for said snatching."

"Don’t worry; I do have a boyfriend now", Kristen says. "For all of two and a half months."

"Congratulations", Jeff turns to accept the drink Nick is handing him with a smile. "Thanks."

"Kristen was just bragging about her latest conquest", Jay tells Nick who returns to his seat.

"No, we were talking about how Jeff is a lucky dude and I simply protected my honor."

Nick raises a brow at her and Mikaela giggles.

"Y'all need to get off my case!" Kristen whines, followed by an impressive imitation by Jay.

Jeff watches in amusement as they start bickering and places his hand over Nick’s when it settles on his thigh.

*

As the evening progresses they’ve all become tipsy and Nick’s hand has moved much higher on Jeff’s thigh.

"You should move here, Jeff", Mikaela leans on his shoulder heavily. "You can just live in Nick’s dorm room."

"I’m sure the neighbors would love me", Jeff snorts.

"We’ve never properly lived in the same place yet. It’d be weird", Nick nods.

"Oh right, because you’re the long distance experts", Mikaela laughs. "You have the universe on your side, probably."

"I guess we do", Nick grins and gives him a kiss.

Jeff holds onto his jaw when he’s pulling away and returns the kiss with much more fervor.

"I think that’s our cue to get going", Jay chuckles. "Might be better to get out of here before Jeff climbs him like a tree."

"Okay lovebirds, release!" Mikaela taps the top of Nick’s head as she gets up. "Time for goodbyes and you can continue that within four walls."

The pair separates and offers them grins in apology.

"It was very lovely to meet you", Kristen says when she catches Jeff in a hug. "Hopefully you’ll visit more often."

"I will. And we’ll probably see each other at least once more before I go back", Jeff pats her back.

"You’d better tell all of west coast how much cooler we’re on this side", Mikaela pokes him in the chest before pulling him in.

"Of course."

"Alright boys", Jay grabs both of their shoulders once they’ve sat back down. "Stay safe. And Nick text me about that project thing when you have time."

"Goodnight!" they all wish in more or less unison before making their way out of the bar with only Kristen swaying lightly on her heels.

"Do you want to get another round or should we head back too?" Nick asks.

"Let’s get one more round. My parents are paying after all", Jeff takes a hold of his collar and pulls him closer. "And then we get out of here quickly."

Nick kisses him briefly. “Go get it then.”

Jeff steals one more kiss before getting up. “Let’s do shots!”

"Just one!" Nick calls after him.

The blond flips him off as he goes. When he comes back, Nick pulls him in his lap.

"You’re so short", Jeff sighs against the side of his head.

"I am aware", Nick laughs, taking the glass he’s offering and knocking it back. "Let’s get out of here."

"Sounds good", Jeff downs his as well before jumping up. "After you."

Nick walks past him, running his fingers across his stomach as he goes, and he follows but suddenly he almost bumps into the boy who’s stopped moving. He touches Nick’s waist and looks up to what he’s staring at. The man standing in front of them is in his fifties, hair graying and wrinkles surrounding his eyes, and he’s slightly shorter than Jeff. “Nick? What’s wrong?”

Nick clears his throat. “Jeff, this is my dad.”

He can feel his mouth drop open slightly as the similarities hit him: the curve of their noses and the shape of their jaws. “Whoa.”

"Nicholas", the man says, a wary smile on his face. "How have you been?"

"Well I don’t know, you tell me how you’ve been after walking out on your family."

"Now, now -"

Nick’s hands curl into fists. “Would you prefer a better wording then? When you left your family behind? When you abandoned your family?”

"Calm down, son -"

"Don’t call me son", Nick snaps. "You lost that privilege eight years ago. I owe you nothing; not my time, not my kindness. Nothing."

"I just want a word with you. Please."

Nick turns to look at Jeff who shrugs lightly but his fingers stroke gently over the skin above the waist of his jeans.

"Fine. But in case you didn’t notice; my _boyfriend_ and I were just about to leave so make it quick", he crosses his arms defiantly.

The man holds out his hand to Jeff who shakes it hesitantly. “I’m Marcus, Nick’s dad.”

"Jeff, not a big fan."

Marcus just laughs and walks around them to sit at the booth they were occupying just moments before. They follow him, sitting opposite him. Nick’s hands are still in fists and Jeff doesn’t try to stop him.

"So how’s school? Still doing well? What about your mom -"

Nick’s fist landing on the table cuts him off sharply. “Stop! This isn’t a family reunion or something. The only reason I’m agreeing to be in the same room with you is because this is probably the only time I’ll have the guts to do this and I want answers.”

"Alright", Marcus leans forward. "What do you want to ask?"

Nick stares at him for a moment. His mouth opens and closes a few times until he seems to calm himself down. “I’d like to _ask_ , why you’re here now, wanting to talk to me, even though you didn’t seem to have a problem leaving without an explanation. Not to mention that you’re just sitting here with me and my boyfriend, being all cool about it, even though the last thing I remember you yelling to mom is how with everything else you just can’t deal with a f----- son, too.”

Jeff flinches at the word but Marcus doesn’t seem fazed.

"I thought I saw you in the city the other day and I had just been talking to my wife about it. She thought it could be a good idea to get to know you again. And maybe you could meet your siblings as well -"

"So you haven’t told your _wife_ what really happened, have you? What did you tell her? That you got tricked into getting married and having a kid and ended up staying with them for 15 years just out of convenience? And how about you stop going around of what I’m really asking."

"You have to understand that everything was a bit heightened at the time. Your mother and I weren’t doing well together and I was looking for a way out -"

Nick laughs dryly. “No, but I didn’t understand. I was a kid. A kid who had just figured something huge out and needed support from his parents. And now you’re telling me that making me feel like I was worthless was just you looking for a way out? That you used me coming out as an excuse to get out of your marriage?”

"I’m not proud of what I did", Marcus says. "But I’ve gotten better. I found Clare and I found God. My sins have been forgiven and I was allowed to start again fresh."

"Holy fuck! So you found yourself a nice Christian lady to settle down with and suddenly you’re forgiven by the universe? Is your mother proud of you? Or do you not talk to her anymore because she prefers speaking in Spanish? At least as far as I remember since I haven’t seen her in ten years. But I guess she wouldn’t be surprised since you did exactly what your own dad did. I don’t even know what to say to you! Your mom struggled to raise you alone because your father was a fuck-up, so you decide to repeat his mistakes just in case there’s a better outcome?"

"I did pay your mother alimony -"

Nick makes a frustrated noise and runs a hand over his face. “Life doesn’t work that way! You can’t just try out other human beings and kick them to the curb when you feel like it. Money won’t fix that. You need to grow the fuck up, man.”

"When you get older you’ll see how things aren’t always easy. Marriages don’t always work. Some people aren’t meant to be together and things don’t always work out", Marcus sighs. "I’ve made mistakes but I’ve also become a better person."

"Alright, I’m sure you have. Because all I want from you is that you stay with your family. You give your kids the life they deserve and teach them to be good people. And if they ever come out to you, you tell them it’s okay and that you still love them no matter what.

And you stay out of my life. I go to school here and that doesn’t change in a while. So if you ever see me anywhere, you keep walking. You wanted out and you got out, so there’s nothing for me to say to you”, Nick stands up slowly. “I got my answers from you and I need nothing else. I’d wish you all the best but I really don’t want to. But I do hope your new family gets to live happily even though you’re in their lives.”

"Nick", Marcus also gets up but Nick backs away from him.

"I need some air", he mutters, giving Jeff a look before quickly walking out.

Jeff watches him go, his shoulders slumped and his hands shoved in his pockets.

"He probably won’t forgive me, will he?"

He turns to look at the man who’s also staring into the direction that Nick left in. “You really don’t deserve it, do you?”

"I already told him I have no problem with his lifestyle. I’m not trying to hurt him."

"You really don’t get it, do you?" Jeff shakes his head. "You might be the most oblivious person I’ve ever met in my life and my parents have been around for all of it. I really don’t know what you did to deserve to have a son like Nick."

"Even you can see he’s doing better now. I did nothing wrong so don’t you get big with me, boy -"

He’s cut off by Jeff shoving him into the nearest wall with his arm over the man’s chest.

"You are literally the problem", he scowls. "He’s better now after getting over you nearly ruining his and his mom’s lives. You deserve _nothing_ from him. I don’t care if you never realize what you did wrong, but what I know is that Nick isn’t responsible for explaining it to you, you literal piece of shit. So do as he said and stay away for the rest of your life, knowing that you never deserved to have them."

Jeff walks out of the bar without another word, leaving a dumbfounded Marcus behind. Nick is standing outside on the street and he looks up as Jeff walks towards him. He smiles weakly at the blond but his lower lip is trembling slightly and it doesn’t hold.

"Let’s go", Jeff says softly, brushing Nick’s cheek with the back of his hand.

The boy just nods and they start walking towards the campus. Nick stays in his thoughts for most of the way. Every now and then Jeff can hear him take in a breath like he’s about to say something but it always gets huffed back out into the air.

Nick’s hands shake when he holds his keys so Jeff takes them gently from him and opens the door. They walk into the room still in silence and take off their coats. Nick sits down on the edge of his bed, staring into the wall opposite it blankly. It’s not until Jeff calls his name when the tears start to fall.

He buries his face into his hands and sobs, ragged breaths ripping through his body painfully. Jeff sits next to him and waits. When Nick lifts his head up again, he reaches for him and Jeff pulls him in.

He simply cries until he runs out of tears and his head hurts. Jeff kisses his cheek that’s still slick with tears and he cracks a watery smile. “I love you.”

"I love you. More than anything", Jeff kisses his cheek again. "Now let’s go wash up so you can get some sleep."

*

When they finally get into bed, Nick wraps around his back and presses his cold nose to the back of his neck. They lie quietly for a moment with just Nick’s sniffling audible.

"I can’t believe that really happened", Nick whispers finally. "I can’t believe I talked to him."

"You were great", Jeff mumbles back.

"I can’t believe that’s what he’s like now. ‘S almost better to think of him being horrible rather than _that_."

"Well believe me; he was a huge idiot and that’s all he’ll ever be", Jeff huffs.

Nick giggles, his breath hitting softly against his skin. “You didn’t hit him, did you?”

"It was close if I’m being honest. He would’ve deserved it."

"Yeah", Nick sighs and his grip on Jeff’s shirt tightens.

"Just so you know, I’m really proud of you. For everything", he says.

"Thank you", Nick places a kiss on his shoulder. "I’m proud of me, too."

*

Jeff wakes up in the morning when Nick crawls over him back to bed. He wriggles closer to the boy, pressing a kiss under his ear. “What were you doing?”

"I just talked to my mom and called in sick for today", Nick turns his head to smile at him.

"What did she say?"

"A lot. A lot of things very fast, then some more things even faster. But basically she said what I did was very stupid and brave and that she wished she knew I was still thinking about it so much. And obviously she was really pissed and then sad and then pissed again. But it’s all cleared out now and she knows I feel better", Nick tells while threading his fingers through the blond’s hair. "And she even had news of her own."

"Oh?"

"She met a guy and they went to dinner on Friday."

"That’s great", Jeff beams. "So what happened?"

"She really likes him and they’re going to go out again. She seemed really excited about it. I’m just happy she has something nice to think about instead of just work and me."

Jeff snorts and swats at him. “Like you’re not nice to think about. And I thought she liked her job more now?”

"She does. I guess being a school nurse is generally more fun than being a regular nurse. All the kids are her favorite. You should hear her talk about them", Nick rolls his eyes fondly.

"It’s almost like… things are actually working out for the best", Jeff mock-gasps, earning a poke to the side from Nick.

"Since when have you been an optimist, mister Sterling?"

"Since the day I met you", he says, getting another jab between the ribs. "Stop hurting me when I’m trying to seduce you, jackass."

"Oh this is your way of seduction", Nick laughs, rolling on top of him. "Works amazingly."

"I know", Jeff grins, kissing his forehead. "What should we do today?"

"Fuck? Sleep? Fuck?"

"Or", Jeff pushes his hair back from his forehead, "we go get some breakfast and you can show me around. And then we can fuck all you want."

Nick whines and digs his fingers into his sides, making Jeff squirm. “But that means putting on clothes and getting out of bed.”

"You already got out of bed once."

"Touché", Nick huffs, wriggling into a better position between his legs and resting his chin on top of his hands. "Just let me lie here for a little longer."

"Of course."

*

Nick pulls over at the end of Jeff’s driveway and turns to look at the blond in the seat next to him. “You ready?”

"Asks the one who didn’t want to come at all", Jeff snorts.

"Hey! Your parents are not my biggest fans and quite frankly your mom terrifies me just a little bit, so excuse me for trying to save myself from an early death."

Jeff cups his chin with one hand and brings the other right in front of his face. “This means commitment, right? So now we’re ultimately committing to our commitment and getting over this as quickly as possible.”

Nick glances at the band around his finger and swallows roughly. “Is Ryleigh there to save me if shit goes down?”

"You don’t think I could save you?"

"No", he states. "I think you’d go first."

"Ass", Jeff gets out of the car.

Nick runs up to him in a few seconds and takes his hand. He grins, squeezing his fingers lightly.

"You have mostly good memories of this place, don’t you?" Jeff stops on the porch and faces him. "We had our first kiss here. We fucked for the first time in the pool house. I told you I love you… within a certain distance of this house but still."

"Yeah, it’s been fun", Nick hums, reaching up to kiss him. "Now that you’ve sweet-talked me into reminiscing, we should go inside."

"Right on", Jeff winks before opening the door.

"Nicholas! Finally you’ve returned to me", comes from the top of the stairs. Jeff’s sister rushes down and throws herself at him.

"And what am I?" Jeff huffs, getting the finger over Nick’s shoulder.

"Hey, Ry", Nick giggles.

Ryleigh lets go of him and turns to her brother. “Now Jeffrey, where are your manners?”

He rolls his eyes and hugs her. “You’re still a dick.”

"And you still suck dick", Ryleigh ruffles his hair.

"Are they home yet?"

"Yup, just avoiding the first contact like always", Ryleigh shrugs. "So please come in and the awkward part will be over sooner."

"Ah, feels like home", Jeff sighs, holding out his hand for Nick. "Let’s do this."

They walk into the living room where Jeff’s parents are, sitting on separate sofas while reading. Jeff clears his throat and they both look up.

"Jeff! You’re home", his mother jumps up and opens her arms.

"Hi mom", he kisses her on the cheek before turning to his father. "Dad."

They shake hands and Nick can’t look at his uncomfortable smile for too long.

"How have you been, Nick?" Jeff’s mom reaches for him.

"Lillian", he kisses her cheek as well, the smell of her perfume filling his mind. "I’m alright, thank you."

"Um, we have some news so if you could sit down - you too Ry", Jeff says quickly.

Ryleigh gasps as she flops down on the couch. “Are you pregnant?”

"Ryleigh!" Lillian snarls. "Neither of them cannot get pregnant."

"Well damn -"

"Okay! Just listen, please", Jeff looks to Nick for help and the boy moves closer to him. "Nick and I wanted to let you know that we’re engaged."

There’s a moment of silence before Ryleigh cries out. “You’re telling me at the same time as _them_? What did I ever do to you?”

"It felt like a good timing. Don’t make this about you."

"Fuck off, I’m so happy for you", she gets up to drag both of them into a hug. "I always knew you two are the real deal."

"Thank you, Ry", Nick smiles.

"Just don’t start crying", Jeff pinches her arm.

"So you’re getting married", they turn to look at Lillian, who stands up slowly. She smooths out her skirt before meeting their eyes.

"Yes, one day", Jeff nods. "We don’t have a date yet or anything but we will get married."

"Well, you’ve both graduated and you live together. I guess I should’ve seen this coming", she admits. "Send us invitations then, will you?"

Jeff lets out a relieved breath. “Of course.”

"Great news, son", his dad smiles at them over the magazine he’s still holding.

"Thanks dad", Jeff says quietly, gripping Ryleigh’s hand tightly when it wraps around his.

"So how about brunch?"

*

"Fuck, Nick", Jeff gasps into his mouth, clawing at his back. "I’m close."

Nick thrusts into him harder and kisses down his neck, pressing Jeff into the mattress with his weight. His body stills as he comes, mouth open and eyes screwed shut. Jeff jerks himself off while Nick rides out his orgasm.

"Don’t stop", he whines when Nick slumps against him.

Nick struggles to sit up before pushing three fingers into him. Jeff makes a desperate noise and works his hips against his hand. He shoots over his chest, shivers running through his body and Nick keeps pumping his fingers until he tries to roll away from it.

"Thank _you_ ", Jeff hums happily against his temple when he settles next to him.

Nick huffs out a laugh. “Anytime.”

"You want to lick this off or should I just wash up right away?" Jeff glances down at his chest.

"And they say romance is dead -"

The doorbell ringing cuts him off. Jeff rolls out of bed and grabs a pair of boxers from the ground.

"I’ll get it", he says, wiping down his chest quickly. He picks up another pair and pulls them on. "Don’t move."

"Wasn’t planning on it."

Jeff jogs to the door and cracks it open. A girl, maybe 13 years old, looks up at him with large blue eyes.

"Hi, um, how can I help you?"

"I’m looking for someone", the girl states simply, rocking back and forth on her feet.

"And you are?"

"I’m Jessica. I found the address online. Sorry if I woke you up."

Jeff smiles kindly at her. “No worries, kiddo. Weren’t sleeping.”

"How are you so freaking energetic after… Hello!" Nick walks around the corner but stills once he notices the door is still open. "What’s going on?"

"This is Jessica", Jeff moves out of the way slightly to reveal the girl.

"Aren’t you a little old to be selling cookies?"

"I’ll be 14 next year", she pouts. "I don’t sell cookies."

"That’s okay. I have no idea at what age they do that anyway", Nick shrugs.

Jessica cracks a smile and turns her eyes downwards. She seems to take in their appearance properly for the first time and a blush rises on her cheeks. “I’m really sorry I’m here unannounced but this was my only chance to get out.”

"She’s looking for someone", Jeff tells Nick.

"Yes, I’m looking for someone called Nick. I finally got my mom to tell me more about my dad’s - well my stepdad’s - old family and she mentioned him having a son…"

"This one’s for you", Jeff presses a kiss to his temple as he walks by. "I’ll go get dressed."

Nick nods absentmindedly, taking his place at the doorway. “So you’re 13?”

"Yes. My parents were only together for a few years when I was really young and then my mom married my stepdad and now I also have two baby brothers. I had to come here now because my parents think I’m on my riding lesson. So are you Nick?"

"This stepdad of yours", Nick swallows gravely, "is he a good guy? He still lives with you and everything? Takes you to your _riding practices_ and hugs your mom before leaving for work?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Why are you looking for your stepbrother then? Are you not happy at home?"

Jessica frowns. “Of course I am. I just wanted to know because my mom wouldn’t tell me everything for some reason. She just said that Nick’s living on his own already and probably still with some blonde girl. I don’t get why that’s all she could say. Like if he’s not in prison, what could’ve he done.”

"I see", Nick smiles and shakes his head to himself. "Well Jessica, I’m really sorry to disappoint you but I’m not the person you’re looking for. There are probably many people with the same name."

"Well shit", she sighs. "Sorry for bothering you. I guess I should get back anyway: my dad is picking me up."

"Do you know the way? If you need -"

"I’m not a kid. I know where to go", Jessica straightens the strap of her backpack. "Well it was nice meeting you. Sorry for the trouble."

"Don’t worry about it", Nick assures. "Have a good day."

The girl just waves as she skips towards the stairs. Nick shuts the door and leans against it heavily.

"Hey", Jeff smiles at him across the hall. "So what’s the verdict?"

"Like you weren’t listening", Nick chuckles. He walks up to him and wraps his arms around the blond’s neck. "Sadly young Jessica couldn’t find who she was looking for today."

"I see", Jeff nods. "Is it a final decision?"

"Yes", he cards his fingers through his hair. "She has a good life no matter what her parents are like. She thinks good of them and even if she’ll figure out later that they’re not such great people, it hasn’t affected her childhood. It’s better to keep my side’s shit out of her life."

"Good call", Jeff kisses his forehead. "You’re a good person", he trails his lips down Nick’s nose, "you’re selfless and kind", and across his cheek, "and I love you."

Nick catches his lips in a kiss. “It’s good that you didn’t get dressed yet -“

This time it’s his phone that rings.

"Oh Maggie’s calling. I’ll put it on speaker. Hi Mag-"

" _YOU DICKWADS GOT ENGAGED AND DIDN’T TELL ME FIRST?_ "

**Author's Note:**

> :)
> 
> On tumblr the post can be found [here](http://bilykaplans.tumblr.com/post/96907199732/this-feels-right-and-im-letting-it-pairing-nick). Feedback makes me the happiest!


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